Adderall

I step into the Student Union to get myself some tea before I start working on my paper. I feel the steady rhythm of my heart beating in my chest. Budum-Budum... Budum-Budum. The booming in my ears from the music I'm ignoring drowns out the hustle and bustle of an ocean of people rushing by to get some food or caffeine before their first class of the day. I gasp to catch my breath. I didn't realize I was holding it, but now I can feel myself breathing and I know that there's something off about it. It's either too fast or too slow but I can't tell which. I try to sync my breaths with the song in my headphones. The beat is too fast. I try to slow my breathing down but the rhythm of the music keeps drawing me back in. I try to sync my breaths to the half note instead of the quarter note. Playing in low brass I didn't get a lot of fast notes, but I was pretty good at holding notes for extended periods of time. I think back about my time in marching band, the people I met there, the places we performed, the music we played.

I realize what's happening and I snap myself back into focus. I've been sitting at my computer for almost fifteen minutes now, the cursor blinking on and off in a blank word document. There's no tea at my table. I must have been so caught up in the endless loop in my brain that I left without getting anything. It's too late now so I just start working on my paper. I start writing 'There was a game without a name, about two armies caught in a skirmish'. That sounds good. Got a little bit of mystery going on in the first sentence to draw them in. The reveal is gonna be that I'm writing about a game that I made when I was in fifth grade. I wonder if I should add some bits to the paragraph to hint at the reveal. People don't like plot twists that they can't see coming. That's why Sixth Sense was so much better than any of the later Shyamalan movies. Especially the live action Avatar movie. I mean, that one didn't have a plot twist, but still. It was terrible. I wonder what its Rotten Tomatoes score is. Oh damn, it's only six percent. That still feels too high somehow.

"Focus!" I tell myself, alt-tabbing out of Rotten Tomatoes and back to my paper. 'The game was tedious and boring, and nobody could make it through a full match without quitting.' I write. I wonder if I should change that, it kinda sounds like I'm talking about Risk. What with the whole two armies thing and the long, tedious gameplay. But it's probably not a big deal, there's a lot of games like that, like Axis and Allies, or Warhammer, or... wait no, focus, Gloria. You got a paper to write. Still, I should probably look up what year Risk came out just to make sure it's not too close to the same time. Oh hey, Rotten Tomatoes is still open. Wait, what the hell is Chappaquiddick? Oh it's based on a true story. Is that someone's name? Ohhh, that's the name of the island where the movie's set or something.

I stop and look out the window. I've been sitting in Fireside for over two hours now and I still have barely more than two sentences written. I decide there's no way I'll be able to focus on my paper, so I open YouTube and start looking through my subscriptions. I switch back to my paper. I alt-tab back to YouTube before my hands can even leave the keys. I switch back and forth between the two dozens of times in a couple of seconds, before finallhy closing Google Chrome and dedicating myself fully to finishing my paper.

I feel a rush of confidence and pride as the words flow from my mind onto the canvas of my computer. The muse in my head guides my hands to craft sentence after sentence. The first paragraph lies finished at the top of my page, and before I can even realize how far I've gotten, the second one has already begun to form underneath it. The words crash onto the page like a waterfall, assembling themselves like clockwork.

My phone vibrates. I pick it up. I got a message from Ryan. I should probably check what he wants. A convention in Ohio? I should make sure that doesn't overlap with my work schedule for the summer. Well shit, it does. Ok, maybe I can ask for a day off so I can go. It looks like they have some cool stuff there. Dungeons and Dragons, Call of Cthulhu, Pathfinder... wait, Pathfinder 2nd edition? I didn't know they were making a second edition Pathfinder, is this real? The Paizo website says it's real, so it must be.

I stop and look at my paper. There are three paragraphs, just over two hundred words in total. I take a deep breath and try to focus myself on writing again. I place my hands on the keys. I close Google Chrome, dedicating myself fully to finishing my paper.

I feel a rush of frustration. The moment is gone. I've lost my focus and I can't seem to get it back. I close my laptop and get up from my table. Maybe if I get some tea it'll help me focus. And taking a break to walk around will probably be good for me. I just need to stop thinking about the paper for a bit and come back later. Oh wow there's a lot of people in here. I just gotta squeeze on past these couple people. And now there's a line for the coffee machine. Why is the hot water part of the coffee machine up here in fireside? It has its own dedicated machine downstairs. Although that one breaks down half the time so maybe it's for the best that this is all one machine.

"Gloria?" I hear a voice behind me.

I turn around and see Sarah, my friend from back home. "Oh hey, what's up?"

"Did you dye your hair green?" She asks, straining to see my bangs under my hat.

"Oh, yeah. I mean, it was supposed to be blue but I think it turned out fine anyway," I respond, taking my hat off. "So what have you been up to?"

We chat for a bit, catching up about our classes, the world, our lives, our families. I tell her that my brother started cosmetology school. She mentions that her sibling is still doing shows at local venues and open mics. I saw them perform one time. It was at an old repurposed train station. They were pretty good, but I didn't really know anyone else there except their parents. And Ryan. Oh shit, I forgot to text him back.

"Anyway, I'll see you later," Sarah waves and starts walking away, as I realize that I'd been completely zoned out of the conversation.

"Oh, yeah, I'll see you later," I wave back and sit back down at my laptop. I'll just text Ryan back after I finish the paper. I open my laptop. If I open my phone right now I'll just get distracted again. I reach for my cup before I start working on my project again, but my hand fumbles through empty air. I look up from my computer screen. There's no tea at my table.